Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
