That's when you crack a 10am beer
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
