Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
