god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
