I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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