i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
