question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
