I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
