remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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