first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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