Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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