"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
