I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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