I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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