you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
