if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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