i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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