I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
