I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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