i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
