I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
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