we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
