just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
40s are totally the cure
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
