i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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