I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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