This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
