I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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