.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
