True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
