What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
