She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
