omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
