you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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