u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
