guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I fill condoms, not promises.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
