I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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