why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
