I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
