Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
