I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
