We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
