watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
