No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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