I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
