I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
