god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
