she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
