my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
