Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
