I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
